I remember when my now husband and I first started dating, I begged him over and over to take the “Love Language Quiz”. At that point in our relationship he was clueless to the power of knowing your love language. It was no fault of his own, you just don’t know what you don't know. Nevertheless, I put him on to the greatest relationship tool (in my opinion) EVER.
Anyway, that is not what you came here for. In short the five love languages are: Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, and Acts of Service. These love languages were created by Dr. Gary Chapman, an author, speaker, and relationship counselor. Over his years of helping couples communicate better he has discovered that the key to happiness is how we receive and give love to our partner.
Naturally, we show love to our partner’s the way we would like to receive love. Our actions are rooted in good intentions but it may not be received by our partner the same way we would receive it. I encourage you to take the Love Language Quiz before reading thru the rest of this blog. Once you come back with your scores, we want to help you with fun and practical ways to apply the love languages.
If your partner’s primary love language is Quality Time, it means that they feel loved the most when you spend quality time with them. However, simply being around them just won’t cut. Neither will the standard movie night. Why? Because quality time is way more than just time, it’s attention.
If your partner’s love needs QUALITY TIME they need:
- Uninterrupted and focused conversations.
- One-on-One time.
- Time together even if it is just running errands.
- Face-to-Face conversation.
- Your whole attention.
If the person you love is QUALITY TIME, this is what they don’t need:
- Long periods of being apart.
- Distracted conversations
- Spending time with anyone but each other.
- Long periods without one-on-one time.
If your partner’s top love language is Receiving Gifts, that means they feel love from all of those small presents that you give them! Now, many people may assume receiving gifts is materialistic and all about the items, but that isn’t necessarily true.
If your loved one feels love through RECEIVING GIFTS, they need:
- Making your spouse a priority.
- Gifts on Special Occasions.
If your loved one feels love through RECEIVING GIFTS, they don’t need:
- Forgetting special occasions.
- Dutiful, unenthusiastic gift giving.
- Materialism. Giving gifts is not about the most expensive things. A flower picked from a rose bush can mean everything in the world to someone who receives
Words of Affirmation
If your partner’s primary love language is Words of Affirmation, then your partner’s appreciation and love are best affirmed to you through words (makes sense, right?). You feel love when your partner tells you how attractive you look or when they say how proud of you they are after you accomplish something. On the flip-side, for people with this as their primary language, insults or negative comments may cut a little deeper. In this case, words do speak louder than actions.
If the person you love is a Words of Affirmation they need:
- Kind Words
- A Listening Ear
If the person you love is a Words of Affirmation they don’t need:
- The assumption that they know how loved they are.
- The assumption that they know how good they are.
- The assumption that they know you are proud of them.
- Non-constructive criticism
- Not appreciating or recognizing their efforts
- Emotionally harsh words.
The Physical Touch love language is not all about sex. Nor does it mean that if your partner has Physical Touch as their primary love language that all they want is sex.The Physical Touch love language is more about intimacy. It could be holding hands, laying your head on your partner’s shoulder, or simply a hug. Just like someone might feel loved after reading a note from their partner, another person may get that same feeling when their partner runs his or her hand through their hair.
If the person you love needs PHYSICAL TOUCH they need:
- Non-verbal body language to emphasize love.
- Non-sexual touch that reinforces your presence.
- Lots of simple hugs, hand-holding, and gentle touches.
If the person you love is PHYSICAL TOUCH this is what they don’t need:
- Long periods without intimacy
- Physical neglect
- Coldly giving affection
- Any physical abuse
Acts of Service
Does your partner enjoy sayings such as “actions speak louder than words” or “you can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk”? If so, chances are their primary love language is Acts of Service.
If your loved one feels love through ACTS OF SERVICE, they need:
- Assisting with chores.
- Ongoing help with housework.
- Helpful partners who are with them no matter what.
- Someone who will go out of their way to elevate their workload.
If your loved one feels love through ACTS OF SERVICE, they don’t need:
- Lack of follow through.
- Making work more important than your loved one.
- Making someone else’s to-do’s more important than your loved one.
Ignoring requests for help.